Back from vacation: Top 10 Cruise Questions

I'm currently suffering through the worst part of any vacation: The return leg with all the lines and waiting for taxis, buses and airplanes.

I'm taking this opportunity to get caught up on all my accounts, re-reading Waldo's blog posts on my behalf over the last week and responding to tweets, texts, voicemails and emails.

And while I still have a relatively fresh glow from my "cruise aura," I wanted to share some of these no-kidding-I-sh#$-you-not questions from cruise passengers. These were shared with us by our cruise director:

Top 10 Favorite Cruise Questions

10. "Will I get wet if I go on the scuba tour?"
(I s'pose it would really depend on how fast you swim.)

9. "Does the ship generate its own electricity?"
(Ha ha. Actually, you could almost imagine a very long extension cord from the port of origin. Also makes the captain's job easy. Forget all the complex navigation. He could just follow the cord back at the end of the cruise.)

8. "What time is the midnight buffet?"
(LOL. I guess that, too, would depend...on your timezone.)

7. "Will this elevator take me to the front of the ship?"
(Hmm. Yes. But only with a special key.)

6. "What floor is deck 7 on?"
(Ha ha. It's called "freestyle cruising." So deck 7 is whatever floor you want it to be.) ;)

5. "How will I know which pictures are mine?"
(Cricket... cricket...)

4. "Do these stairs go up or down?"
(Yes... and yet no. Or maybe not.)

3. "How far above sea level are we?"
(I guess that would depend on which way the prevailing winds are blowing from.)

2. "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?"
(I actually know the answer to this one! They put them up for sale in the gift shop at a discounted price.)

1. "Do the crew members sleep on board?"
(LOL. Only the ones who don't have their own means for commuting.)

Oh. And here's my favorite quote overheard while on cruise. (I'm obviously risking wandering into "TMI" territory on this one. But what the heck, I often never know where the line is anyway until I've crossed it.):

"Gawd, what a vacation. All we do is play, eat and poop...!"